Elizabeth Edwards, Saving Graces

I just finished Elizabeth Edwards' book, Saving Graces, and I had such a reaction to it, I wondered what I could write about it. Even though this is not one I will send on to Donna, I do like to keep some sort of track of what I've read because it helps me remember. It finally came to me what I wanted to say.

Well, I need to backtrack a little - I didn't finish the book as much as I read word for word through chapter 5, and then I arrived at chapter 6. This is the one where Elizabeth starts out:

I've come to a chapter that I knew I would have to write. By an unspeakably vast margin there is no part of my life, or any life, that speaks more to what this book is about.... a place of profound pain.... I do not want to endure the writing of this chapter, but I will....

I recognized right away where Elizabeth was in her story, because I knew about Wade.

I read chapter 6, and I understood. I skimmed chapter 7, and I walked part of the journey with her. I knew where she was. And then I skimmed the rest of the book.

Being a John Edwards fan, and a fan of his courageous wife Elizabeth, who has battled cancer and is now engaged in a second battle with it, I wanted to get some insight on this family - primarily, this couple and how they relate to one another. When one is attracted to someone as a potential President of the United States, one wants to know about the spouse because, as I've learned over the years, knowing only one spouse is only half knowing.

I learned a lot about Elizabeth as a woman. She's strong, somewhat impulsive, and a very straight-forward, intelligent woman who shoots from the hip, with amazing accuracy.

I also know that she's defined not only by her strong personality and her intellect, but also by her family - her husband and her children. But of all those defining moments and traits, she's most defined by the death of her son, Wade. I know about that. I know that Wade's death was a defining moment for her whole family. Recounting a story her brother told her, about a tree that has been wounded by a stake which was driven into it, she says:

The tree, obviously, could do nothing about the stake, so it had grown around it, acknowledging the injury but living nonetheless. [Speaking about the wound of Wade's death, she says:] I could not excise that spike even if I wanted to.

Yes, it's a mistake for us, and for others, to expect that we will grieve it out, that we will experience some magic thing called closure and then get on with it. What we really do is just learn to wear it and get on with it clothed in this new reality. It's with us the rest of our lives.

The book is good and full of insights about Elizabeth and her family. People who like the Edwards family will learn to know them better. People who don't like the Edwards family (as the potential first family of the land) will learn about this courageous woman's life. Either way, people will win when they read the book. It's that good, that honest.

This book will go to the library with my next batch of donated books. I'll not forward it on to Donna. It's more of a mother's story than a sister's story, and it's too close to home for Donna to read it objectively, in my opinion. Donna is of the here and now, being the heart of the home for her four children (now three because one is grown) and busy husband, as well as contributing to her community with her own set of strengths. Her job is to be focused on now and the future because her job is so important.

I do hope Elizabeth writes another book and tells us more of her story, tells us how she's fighting this current battle with cancer, and shares her strength with all of us so we can borrow from it as we fight the battles that are in our daily lives.

Elizabeth isn't perfect - none of us are, but by sharing our stories, we DO encourage each other and give each other strength. Thanks, Elizabeth. From one mom to another, from one woman to another!