Things lost, things gained

Ah, loss is a funny thing. It brings sadness. But in the grand scheme of things, one must remember what sadness at loss means. It means that you had something you treasured; and if you had something you treasured, it means there was a time in your life when there was something there that gave you joy, and how fortunate you are to have had those moments of joy present in your existence. The greater the sense of loss, the greater the sense of joy must have been. No one can take away those moments of joy. They are yours forever because they have become part of who you are now.

For me, now, the past few months have been times of loss - but of joy, too, as I realize that during a portion of my life, the things I lost have blessed me.

• My beloved ornery, clingy cat, Shebet, died during the last days of November, after having lived 17 or so years - and much of that time she lived "in my face." She was my constant companion. Up until last week, I reached behind me every time I sat down in my chair so I would avoid sitting on her. She was always there waiting on me.

• On December 1, due to a company reorganization, my dear friend of many, many years - who was also my leader - was let go from the company where we had worked together for the last three years. It was sudden and abrupt. The week before, we were making plans for the future together, ready to move on to the new organization and help it grow and become solid. Many heads reeled at her departure; she was beloved by many. My sense of loss was immediate. I took the entire charter for my job from her. Together, we moved mountains. And only together could we accomplish the kinds of things we accomplished.

• And yesterday, I learned that my role with the company is coming to an end. I knew it would - or at least had strong suspicions. But I will miss the many I was growing with. How privileged I have been to have been part of their lives. How very much I will miss them.

At my age and stage, I can be philosophical about loss. I have suffered many losses during my long life, and none so painful as the loss of our son 10 years ago. It took me five years to learn to wear that loss, and the first few years, I didn't know if I would be able to overcome it. But now the loss has become part of who I am. I wear it every day, and I will wear it the rest of my life.

I have learned that all the losses of my life have shaped me - both the having and the losing. Because I have had so many blessings to lose, I am a better, more complete person. My life has been rich, and my losses profound.

Loss is enevitable if one is to engage in living. You risk much when you love; but for me, it's better to risk and be blessed by the results than it is to protect myself from the inevitable pain of loss.

The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. And I have learned what that means.

Thank you, Lord, that I hurt. It means that I have loved - and been loved. I will shed tears over this loss, and I will allow myself the pain. I will miss all these people; I will miss achieving the impossible; I will miss leading the efforts of those I care about, both to our mutual betterment and the betterment of the company. I have lost; but what we all did together can never be taken away from us. Those moments are ours forever.

Maybe it should be that simple

Traveling home from a week's ski trip last week, LDR and I were listening to a K.T. Oslin CD, one of my favorites. The opening song is Live Close By, Visit Often. Oh, how I've enjoyed that song over the years; in fact, I found these lyrics and sent them to a good friend of mine a few years ago when she had fallen in love (at first sight) and her new-found love reciprocated. It worked! Such good advice from K.T.

But this time, listening to the CD (for what else can you do but listen when you're a captive audience in the car), I noted that all the songs were about relationships, but the reaction to the relationships were more or less Que Sera Sera (what will be, will be). There was a noticeable absence of "oh, my gosh, we broke up," or "oh, my gosh, my heart is broken." And I thought: Maybe that's the secret to having happy relationships. Enjoy them while they're there; enjoy the moment. When it's over, remember those relationships, but don't try to recreate them as they were. The relationship changes us as we live through it; we can never recreate it because we are now different people than we were when we started.

I have a theory that we need to let others be as they are, and then learn to love, respect, and appreciate them under their terms - or not!

What does it take to do that? I'm really not sure. But it might be a good pondering.

Starting today....

Starting today, some days I will write in my blog.

Starting today, I will spend some daily time thinking about things.

Starting today, I create some new paths for my life.

Starting today, I am wondering what it all means, or if it really matters at all.

Starting today, I understand we all have a new chance.

Starting today, ...